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August 08 impending farewellI hate this color so much, and worse, I don't know how to change it, guess I'll have to live with it till some good will tells me how to save my(and my viewers, if any) eyes.
Two and a half months have passed since I came back and it felt like couple of weeks. It seems that everything is destined. I tried to get a job, got one, then quited, tried again, never got accepted; decided to stay in US for the summer, then changed my mind after calling my parents twice in one day; sprained my ankle playing basketball because I didn't have time to warm up after waiting for the confirmation of my plane tickets; didn't have the opportunity to attend the wedding held in our CGC, came back and celebrated one of my family's close friends' daughter's wedding(drank three cups of beer and had my right eye popped up for a day and a half);now finally got my wisdom teeth extracted, went four days without eating much, lost all the pounds gained from the good food and lack of exercise; even got to meet with someone who's going to BU for undergraduate, would never have a chance to meet her if I didn't come back, at least not in the recent future.
I never enjoy vacations that much. I could only stand one week, cuz after that, I'll start feeling lonely and fighting with my parents, not willingly, just out of a gloomy mood at times. I've always felt that I am not a good enough son for wonderful parents like mine. Although at times I argue with them or throw couple of complaints at them, down in my heart, I never meant to do any. Maybe by the end of college, I'll finally be able to stand up for myself and prove my worth, not just to my parents, but to myself. Only at that time could I get rid of this tiresome feeling of imcompetence of myself and be able to smile the way a truly happy person does.
Right now, everyone is learning GRE. I finally joined one of my most seriously belittled organizations: New Oriental English and started messing up English with them. Just like a beginner, I feel all the tension and frustration after seeing all the words that I don't know. The dude sitting beside me doubted if I really go to US for college cuz he expected me to know a lot more words than I actually do. This year, I have to start my GRE no matter what, at the same time taking CS 101 and personal value. Lots of stuff to do, have to learn to squeeze time. Wish God could give me the strength and determination I need.
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